Do you ever get so incredibly tired that you begin to make noises involuntarily? Groans, sighs, other sad sounds that escape of their own volition when you do things like move or think? Have you ever been so tired that you just pulled a contact lens out while you are walking down the street and threw it on the ground rather than deal with it anymore? Have you ever been so exhausted that you left a restaurant and asked them if you could just buy a bottle of their mediocre wine no matter how ridiculously expensive it was going to be just so that you did not have to go in search of a bottle of wine for your hotel room? Yeah, that’s me right now. Between commutes and airports and a bus ride, I’ve been traveling for 22 hours as I write this post. I’m freaking tired.
But as far as the wine goes, you know what they say about the best-laid plans….
I got back to my hotel with my exorbitantly priced bottle of Merlot (😖) and went to my room and realized that, while somewhere buried deep in my bag I thought there was one of those super cheapo corkscrews, I didn’t have the patience to find it, so I took the wine back downstairs to the two friendly gentlemen working the front desk to ask if they could open it for me. What happened next became a laboratory lesson in the laws of physics.  It also stole about 18 minutes of my life that I’ll never get back. And it ruined a guy’s shirt. But I’ll get to that.
It turns out that this lovely little hotel does not have a corkscrew at the front desk. The bar is closed and barkeeps apparently lock up all of their tools of the trade as if they are made of gold. One of the fellows even walked down the block to see if he could borrow one. Nope. So Girard and Santiago began the impossible process of trying to figure out how to MacGyver a cork out of a bottle when they don’t have a corkscrew. Tired and desperate, I just kept saying, “just punch it in.“ LOL. Who cares? This was a $28 bottle of super average wine that the restaurant knew I would pay a king’s ransom for at that hour, so I don’t care if there’s a cork floating inside of it.  
After the amount of energy they had already put in, I did not have the heart to tell them that somewhere in my bag was a corkscrew. Instead, like an idiot, I watched them screw an actual screw into the cork and then try to pull it out with pliers. Nope. Or the second time, or the third time, or the fifth time. By this time I’m just shrieking, “PUNCH IT DOWN!” 
Just kidding – I wasn’t shrieking. Only my soul was.
Finally, they were out of MacGyver options and so, very reluctantly, they agreed to use a screwdriver and tap on it until the cork went down. That sounds great on paper, but what actually happened is that the vacuum pull of that last little bit of cork caused a sploosh to come out of the top of the wine bottle and completely coat Girard, my new favorite front desk concierge, who ruined his nice beige staff shirt for me. 😦 Oops. 
But holy cow, let’s talk about that bus ride…I arrived in Merida tonight after a four-hour bus ride on literally the nicest bus I’ve ever seen in my life. It only cost me about $12 more than the regular haul (so like $48 total), but I had a cushy lay-back seat, Wi-Fi, a monitor with shows… if you EVER have the chance to ride a “platino” bus with ADO, do it. It is exactly like flying first class on a plane – sans the alcohol – but the seats are even better.
But it doesn’t matter how nice or cushy or bougie this bus was, I feel like garbage. I need to sleep. But not before a few observations… haha
1. Buying the nicest room in a mid-range hotel is always better than buying a standard room in an expensive hotel. At least in Mexico – or really every Latin American country I’ve been to. Look at what is being completely wasted on me for the next couple of days… jeez Louise.
2. As soon as you speak reasonably well-pronounced Spanish to someone here, you are off to the races and good luck. Sadly, my ability to pronounce more or less correctly is far, far ahead of my ability to comprehend the answer that comes back at me. LOL. Add 90 minutes of sleep last night? Forget it. There have been a couple of times when I just stood there like a slack-jawed monkey staring at a person talking to me as I tried to work through what words they could possibly be saying to me.If I ask someone to slow down, it just sounds the same. If I ask them to repeat, still just a bunch of gibberish words. I have said yes to so many things that I didn’t intentionally mean to, but I had wasted enough of their time standing there asking me a question and repeating it over and over. My default answer is yes. LOL. I may or may not have dancing camels in my room later. No real way to know.
3.Dooooooon’t let the waiter choose the wine for you if you sit down in a place and there is no wine list. It’s going to be a good one. And by good, I mean really expensive.
4. Try, try, try a little Spanish. It is so appreciated. You are going to get better vibes and better juju if you just throw in some words that show you understand you aren’t in the US. Even though my Spanish is the only thing that is more garbage than how I feel, cab drivers and waiters and hotel clerks have been so kind to me just for trying. 
I’m sure there are more observations, but I’m so tired that I can no longer form sentences so I’m off for some blessed sleep. Wish me luck tomorrow as this adventure begins and send good vibes that I can find that contact lens. Just kidding.