Lagos, Portugal

So this little old town area in Lagos, Portugal, is pretty crowded with tourists, and last night I was desperately looking something to eat, so I had my head down at my phone hunting for a couple places, and was just kind of intuitively weaving through the crowd. Yeah, well you see that bush? It’s a man, and I’m pretty sure I peed myself when he came lurching out in front of me as I passed by. And guess what you guys- there were about 109 people hovering nearby just watching and waiting for him to get somebody. My frantic, panicked scream got a real big laugh. Even some applause.

Check me out on YouTube, yo, because I saw people recording too. F- off dude – I’m starving and tired and don’t want to be attached by topiary shrubs. Have to admit that he got me pretty good though. A while later I decided to have a nightcap – and frankly, i needed a drink after being attacked by s shrub in front of 100 people – so I stopped at Eddies, a very non-Portuguese-sounding name for a bar, but one that had Journey blaring and a hefty crowd so I figured it couldn’t be half bad. Midway through a mojito, a cockroach as big as a pony came running along the bar, over my drink menu, and towards my purse.

I, of course, lost my F-ing mind. I jumped up, drink menu in hand, and started beating the bar wildly with it – on top, on the side edge, underneath – I still don’t think I ever got it.

Meanwhile, everyone around me just carried on their conversations like there wasn’t a mad redhead a couple feet away going bananas with a drink menu. Ok – whatever, you drunk assholes. I’ll get this one myself. But I hope it landed in one of your drunk pockets and ended up in your room. Today there was more driving, including a standoff with Google maps, a bunch of dirt roads, and a whole lot of swear words. I promise, the driving story is coming. But for now I have to go to bed because I’m diving shipwrecks in the morning and I desperately need sleep.